My Fabulous Rack

Hold the press!  It turns out that the old yank-and-squirt, also known as pulling out or the withdrawal method of birth control, is nearly as effective as using a condom when it comes to preventing pregnancy.  I discovered this a couple of nights ago reading the instructions in a box of Durex condoms that a male friend of mine had laying around his condo (somewhat to his embarassment).

typical use = method either was not always used correctly or was not used every time
lowest expected = method was used correctly everytime but failed anyways

To the left is an excert from a table in the Durex instructions.  This information is at least as old as 2005 because that was when my friend purchased the 12-pack.  At the time, all I did was insult my friend's sexual prowess because he still had half the box left after four years (although he had been in a long-term, monogamous relationship for much of that time), but I got to thinking about this information again today.

I searched the internet for "withdrawal method" and found news from the first half of 2009 about a controversial study titled "The importance of withdrawal" by a woman named Rachel K. Jones.  ABC News declared 'Pull Out' Method Gets New Respect on May 28th, 2009.  Plenty of blogs chimed in on the story as if the news is a revelation.

However, as I already wrote, Durex, the self-proclaimed, "World's number one condom brand," quiety disseminated this news years ago.  Interestingly, you can find the information contained on the instructions on Durex's website too, with the notable exception of withdrawal.  I guess somebody in marketing pointed out that they might be hurting their sales with such information.

Imagine this scenario, gentlemen.  You're at the strip club watching some fabulous racks in an amateur wet t-shirt contest.  A stripper sits down next to you and starts chatting you up.  She tells you that she's there to cheer her friend, who is one of the amateurs.  Life is good.  Later, when you're ready to leave, your new stripper aquantence smiles and says, "Aren't you going to ask me for my phone number?"

You assumed she was just being friendly to you because you're a customer, and you didn't expect this question at all.  This kind of things doesn't really happen, even to a big pimp like you.  You respond, "I figured you get asked a thousand times a night."  She says she does, in fact, but she doesn't usually give out her number.  You swap cell phone numbers with her and leave with a big smile on your face and fantasies of wild stripper sex in your head.

Is this too good to be true?  Most likely, the answer is "yes."

This exact situation actually happened to a male friend of mine a couple of days ago.  He has since received two text messages from the stripper.  The first invited him to topless volleyball, which just happened to be at a strip club.  The second message informed him that his new girl would be dancing at a different strip club that night, and he should come see her.

Get it?  For the price of a monthly cell phone subscription with unlimited texting (~$40), this enterprising young woman can now beam advertisements directly to the phones of horny men.  I doubt many men turn down her invitation to swap phone numbers.  Maybe she will text 100 men after only a few nights of collecting numbers.  If just 1 in 10 of the text message recipients show up at a club to see her again, and if just two of those get a couch dance, she's paid for her phone.  I applaud her entrepreneurial spirit.  She's basically running an e-mail marketing campaign via text message.

So, gentlemen, be careful about giving your phone number to pole professionals.  They might be the newest telemarketers, and there is no "do not text" list.

Like anyone over 20 who has ever worked in an office, I'm a fan of Dilbert.  Author Scott Adams postulates in The Dilbert Principle that your actions are not the primary determinant when it comes to getting a job promotion.  Although it has been seven years since I read the book, I still recall how Scott ranks the top four factors (starting with the most important) for successfully climbing the corporate ladder:

1. Who you know.
2. Where you went to school.
3. Your clothes.
4. What you actually do.

I'm inclined to agree.  However, Scott is a man.  If you are a woman, the Erin Brockovich approach is also gauranteed to enhance your upward mobility.  Ladies, you know it's true, unpleasant as it may be.  I say, flaunt it if you've got it!  The glass ceiling isn't going to break itself.

Of course, one could argue that Erin is following rule #3, but the affect would not be nearly as potent without the power of a fabulous rack.  You are in its power.